every time the rules change, you don't know how they change you

OK I'm actually in a really aggressive mood right now. My emotions lie somewhere in between exasperated and irritated as fuck, so bear with me. If this is interesting enough for you, keep reading, but don't judge. If it's too long for you, go fuck yourself.

I didn't move to Korean expecting to be romantically involved with anyone because I knew guys here would be different. I'm the type of girl who goes for the All-American boy (whether it be the sweet boy next door, to the badass dickface I hate falling for), and I knew in advance that type would be hard to find here. Korean boys, even the ones at this "international" school (where I'd say about 90% of the alumni are ethnically Korean), are definitely not like American guys in any which way. Not only the way they dress (cardigans, skinny jeans, loafers, anyone? Oh and don't get me started with the ear piercings), but also in personality (they are SUCH babies). But before I rant too much, I do want to put it out there that what I didn't expect was for them to actually be interested in me. Of course, I was open-minded (I've never dated an Asian guy but it's not like it's because I don't like them. That would be incredibly hypocritical/racist/absurd) to the notion of getting involved, but I didn't know it'd be this hard.

See, here in Korea, boys play hard to get. They do it consciously, and they do it to mess around with girls' heads on purpose. They act interested, then they fall off like leeches. One moment they're trying to convince you to go out with them, the next, they're hurt that you would even consider rejecting them and stop talking to you all together. I'm sorry... do guys have periods on this side of the world? Seriously. What. The. Fuck.

These are the kind of games GIRLS are supposed to play, not guys! Not in American standards anyway. Maybe my expectation of boys has become so high after growing up in the States (not that they were all that great even there), but isn't it common knowledge that boys do the chasing? Relationships are never easy, but now that I, for the first time, find myself constantly staring at my phone for a text message reply or staying on Skype til one in the morning in hopes that he'll come online so I can see his face that late in the night, I know why people come up with really depressing quotes and love songs and all that gooey shit.

I wasn't a bombshell in the States or anything, but guys definitely always came up to me when they were interested... and they stayed if the attraction was genuine. In some way, I even think I'm more "popular" at this school -- not in the conceited sense, but in that I'm well-known as not only the new girl in town, but also as the Twinkie as they maliciously call it. I know it's a derogatory term, but having never been referred to it before I moved to Korea, I'm not really going to let it get to me. It just means I'm Asian in physique but Western in ethics (yellow on the outside, white on the inside!) -- and it was definitely coined by some conformist Asian motherfucker who didn't fit into society after immigrating to the US. I don't want to sound condescending, but people are telling me that the more Korean kids are jealous of what I have -- the ability to speak fluently and live comfortably in a country everyone wants to speak fluently and live comfortably in -- so I'm not going to let their name-calling bother me. I'm sure if American kids were as blunt, egotistical, and publicly critical as they are, they would give them a whole lot of more shit than they could ever give to a 외국인 (Korean for "foreigner" as I'm called!) here. So I'll bite my tongue for now.

What I don't think I can hold in for too long, though, is the fact that my Twinkieness may be the reason guys are being so fickle around me. It's obvious they're interested (again, she said so humbly, but requests for phone numbers, comments/likes on all my Facebook pictures/statuses, and just plain being asked out, lol, gives me that impression. I'm not just fooling myself this time) but don't know how to keep a conversation alive. And they think that they can't keep my attention either. But the irony is that I am SO easy to please! I'm also very hard to anger, but more than a few times, boys here have pissed me off. I'm normally the chill one in the relationship (maybe not as chill as the guy... but he's always had to take part of the responsibility because I'd refuse to take it :p) but that's slowly changing. Huh. Maybe this gender reversal thing will give me a new perspective on relationships, which could potentially be a good thing. But for now, I hate it. I just want guys to approach me first again.

I'm compiling a bunch of random cheesy quotes because that's what I've been doing instead of studying for finals right now. Not all of it reflects my current mood, but it's definitely the kind of shit I find myself writing when I'm upset.

My love's labor:

Maybe one day you'll actually care about me.

When you love someone, you give them the unadulterated power to hurt you.

Truth is, I don't love you anymore. But it takes more than even you to destroy a girl like me.

I've accepted the fact that we can't be, but I've also accepted that you're going to be that one person I carry with me for the rest of my life, the one whose presence and thought is always going to make my heart jump a little and my stomach tie up in knots no matter how happy I am otherwise, and no matter how long its been.

We're all wandering straight along a crooked road.

Yeah, well, my heart wants to hurt you back, but I, for one, am not so self-serving as to let it.

Maybe if I wasn't so good at pretending to be happy, I might learn to actually be happy.


And these are a few I found and fell in love with:

Same old story that everybody knows: it's one heart holding on, one heart letting go.
-- Garth Brooks song

Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.
-- Unknown

Separate's always better when there's feelings involved.
-- OutKast song

To be with a man who hasn't tried every line, who hasn't broken up with a woman every which way you can break up with them, is kind of nice.
-- Uma Thurman

Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.
-- Desperate Housewives

I would rather be hit than ignored. I know how bad that sounds. I needed to tell you. 
-- PostSecret revelation

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥: G Is for Games edited by Alison Tyler

G Is for Games (Erotic Alphabet #7)
Alison Tyler et al.

Release Date: July 28th, 2007

Publisher: Cleis

Page Count: 137

Source: Complimentary copy provided by Naked Reader Book Club in exchange for an honest and unbiased review (thank you!)

Feeling lucky?

Games of skill and games of chance are rife with sexual possibilities. The clever feint that lets your opponent think he's got the upper hand, the thrill of risking everything on a sudden, bold gambit, the visceral charge of raking in a pile of chips, and then, of course, there's something to be said for cheating...

From party games to devilish gambles, here are stories to get you in the mood to play.

There's a particular excitement in taking a gamble, a certain thrill in knowing that your every move will influence the unknown outcome of a game. Tyler's anthology in the Erotic Alphabet series maybe be petite and pocket-sized, but it definitely packs a powerful punch into its pages so small.

There's nothing unsophisticated about each of these short stories. They're shameless, yes, but they're also polished and provocative. The quality of the writing is wonderful, which I really appreciate (because typo-less erotica so hard to come across!), but that's what I've gotten used to with most Cleis Press and Alison Tyler books. The authors themselves are prolific; some of my favorite are included, including Cheyenne Blue and Rachel Kramer Bussel.

The stories each are different, in that they feature different thrilling situations or different seductive games. It's never just a round of strip poker or Spin the Bottle in G Is for Games; it's everything from Twister (think about it... just THINK about it!) to mind games to sports (both spectator and athletic) to oh yeah, a very complicated, yet very delicious round of Seven Minutes in Heaven ;) You won't get bored with the variety in this collection of naughty mishaps... mishaps that end up being sinfully, sinfully good.

I have to say this is a new favorite on my erotica shelf because of how tempting it is in its simplest form. There's nothing over-the-top about this book, nothing unnecessary, so it's elegant in the most extraordinary way. I could get used to this kind of thing, the poshness and the cream. I definitely am going to look into the other letters in this hot alphabet.

Stephanie Loves: "Now she lifted her powder-blue skirt, eased it over the tops of her thigh-highs, and wondered just whose game this was. His gaze flickered to her legs. Locked there. His hand tightened around his wineglass. Heady stuff to keep a man's eyes on you like that. To keep his eyes there—the top man at the top agency in the country. Her breathing quickened. She liked the rush of this. She liked these wicked rules."

Radical Rating: 9 hearts: Loved it! This book has a spot on my favorites shelf. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Pardon me, but...

I swear I'm going to marry him one day.

♥♥♥♥♥♥: Alison Wonderland by Helen Smith

Alison Wonderland
Helen Smith

Release Date: August 16th, 2011

Publisher: AmazonEncore

Page Count: 189

Source: Complimentary ARC provided by Little Bird Publicity in exchange for an honest and unbiased review (thank you!)

"I need some information. Can you help me get it?"

"OK." I'm opening my post but I have a pen and pad ready.

"I need some statistics about which part of the country babies are abandoned most often, what time of year, and where to find them—outside hospitals or police stations or under hedges or in phone boxes."

"Oh, OK. Yes, of course." I move the phone receiver into my left hand and hold it against my left ear so that I can make some notes. Mad cow, I write.

After Alison Temple discovers that her husband is cheating on her, she does what any jilted woman would do: She spray-paints a nasty message for him on her wedding dress and takes a job with the detective firm that found him out. Being a researcher at the all-female Fitzgerald's Bureau of Investigation in London is certainly a change of pace from her previous life, especially considering the characters Alison meets in the line of duty. There's her boss, the estimable Mrs. Fitzgerald; Taron, Alison's eccentric best friend, who claims her mother is a witch; Jeff, her love-struck, poetry-writing neighbor; and—last but not least!—her psychic postman. Together, their idiosyncrasies and their demands on Alison threaten to drive her mad... if she didn't need and love them all so much. Clever, quirky, and infused with just a hint of magic, Alison Wonderland is a literary novel about a memorable heroine coping with the everyday complexities of modern life.

What Stephanie Thinks: I will say that Helen Smith, like all British literary novelists do, has a certain restless charm in her writing. For once though, I didn't totally fall in love with the story behind it.

Alison Wonderland's premise doesn't even sound terribly exciting; from the blurb, I hardly gain an understanding of what exactly, the plot and main point of the book are. After reading it, I still haven't gained a sense of them. Such a shame, because it's a completely readable novel. The prose is paradoxically both smooth in tone and choppy in structure. It sounds weird, but it fits well. Alison's insights are attentive, and her friends lively and distinguished. But the storyline is so erratic: random crimes occur and fantastical creatures appear, which I cannot relate to the book at all—and it overall makes for a confusing and tiresome read.

To sum this book up, I would say it's a bit of Sherlock Holmes meets Bridget Jones (obviously with a dash of Lewis Carroll as well!)... except a little less hilarious and a lot less sexy. However, in my opinion, the cleverness and conscience Smith discloses through her writing parallel with those of Doyle and Fielding, so it isn't all that bad of a read.

Stephanie Loves: "I stare out at the sea, trying to make out the horizon. I cannot see where the sea ends and the sky begins. The stars are very bright, a shower of electric lights. When I look back at the sea I can see the stars reflected in the water. I didn't notice them before; I only saw the blackness. I can't see where the sky ends and the sea begins."

Radical Rating: 6 hearts: Satisfying for a first read, but I'm not going back. ♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥: Until There Was You by Kristan Higgins

Until There Was You
Kristan Higgins

Release Date: November 1st, 2011

Publisher: HQN (Harlequin)

Page Count: 378

Source: Complimentary copy provided by Little Bird Publicity in exchange for an honest an unbiased review (thank you!!!)

She's having serious prom-night déjà vu...

Posey Osterhagen can't complain. She owns a successful architectural salvaging company, she's surrounded by her lovable, if off-center, family and she has a boyfriend—sort of. Still, something's missing. Something tall, brooding and criminally good-looking... something like Liam Murphy.

When Posey was sixteen, the bad boy of Bellsford, New Hampshire, broke her heart. But now he's back, sending Posey's traitorous schoolgirl heart into overdrive once again. She should be giving him a wide berth, but it seems fate has other ideas...

What Stephanie Thinks: The heartbreak of high school romances—the imes in our lives we all consider HUGE deals when we're actually involved in them, but actually look back upon ten years later and laugh at—is wistfully and emotionally conveyed through Higgins's latest. She's back with everything we love about her: the nostalgia, the sentiment, the kickass heroines, and sexyass heros of her usual novels, but this time around, she incorporates the importance of parents—whether birth parents or not—and the timelessness of childhood in Until There Was You.

Posey is a well-developed, likable character; her clumsiness and quick wit are sure to grow on readers because even as a prime dork, she is so relatable. Even though I hated her at times . . . . . . (I mean, the girl can EAT but doesn't ever gain weight!), she is probably my favorite character in the whole book. Actually, scratch that. If possible, I like Liam even better. He's one of those male protagonists (that, I am getting used to in Higgins's books) I can't help but fall in love with. He's a bad-boy gone sexy single dad. Le swoon.

Higgins blends together a perfect concoction of romance, humor, and childhood longing in Until There Was You. From the glory days of childhood sweethearts to the "high school was probably the worst era of my life" reminder, this contemporary romance that flits upon Posey's socially traumatic high school experiences, connecting them to her present dilemma, will charm and engage you. While it isn't one of those lingering, addicting reads, it's definitely a fun contemporary with a heartfelt twist, and is one you enjoy through every page.

Stephanie Loves: "He glanced in her basket. Tapioca pudding, at least four pints of Ben & Jerry's, whipped cream, a block of Cabot's cheddar, a Pepperidge Farm coconut cake, two frozen pizzas with cheese-stuffed crust, and a carton of Egg Beaters. 'Watching our cholesterol?'
Her eyes narrowed. 'The Egg Beaters are for my dog.'"

Radical Rating: 8 hearts: An engaging read; highly recommended. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥: 7 Scorpions: Rebellion by Mike Saxton

Rebellion (7 Scorpions #1)
Mike Saxton

Release Date: May 13th, 2010

Publisher: Strategic Book Group

Page Count: 443

Source: Complimentary copy provided by author, via Strategic Marketing Group, in exchange for an honest and unbiased review (thank you both!)

The world was turned upside down by the swift and brutal attack of a dictator known only as Zodiac. Planting flash bombs in every major city across the world, he detonated them simultaneously, sending the survivors into chaos and anarchy.

In the wake of the destruction, Zodiac unleashed the dreaded Seekers, a group with the ability to radiate an aura of intense fear, which would complete the enslavement and extermination of humanity.

A former vigilante, turned government super soldier experiment, emerges from his self-imposed exile to challenge the new status quo. Can Vincent Black, with his makeshift team of unlikely allies, overcome the demons of his past to help preserve the future of humanity?

What Stephanie Thinks: Saxton has a completely original and well-planned story going on in his first installment of the 7 Scorpions series. The characters are engaging, amiable, and while not 100% realistic, do together, create the perfect cast of "action film" stars we love to read about.

In a time of the world's despair, one man, one villain, attempts to take over and recreate society, and the protagonist, super-human Vincent Black—an example of what results when the government messes with things it shouldn't mess with—seems to be the only key in stopping him. A myriad of futuristic technologies, fantastical creatures, and gruesome, nearly video-gamesque violence is captured between the pages of this dystopian novel.

While I think the story itself is a keeper, I can't say the same thing about the writing style. It doesn't flow properly, and it's very mediocre and repetitive. It's something I would expect from someone who is not a writer by trade, but still has the perseverance to carry on such an imaginative narrative. While not overly lush (I consider it the exact opposite, actually—it's quite acute), Saxton's technique still unnecessarily detailed; for example, characters' clothing choices are always elaborated upon, there is always a dialogue tag, the same punchlines are used over and over again, et cetera.

There are definitely some moments I winced while reading just because of the awkward or overrated wording, but if you're in for an adventurous, action-packed read, definitely consider Rebellion to keep you intrigued.

Stephanie Loves: "Lexi gave Josh a little poke in the ribs. 'C'mon Josh, where's your sense of adventure?
'I left it in my other pants,' he replied sarcastically." — see what I mean by unnecessary?? This line would have been grand, had "he replied sarcastically" been left out. We KNOW the phrase was a sardonic attempt at humor. We don't need a narration to elaborate upon it.

Radical Rating: 6 hearts: Satisfying for a first read, but I'm not going back. ♥♥♥♥♥♥

Marie Treanor Cover Lovin'!

As part of the fabulous tour group, Bewitching Book Tours, I'll be hosting Marie Treanor's newest paranormal release, Blood Eternal, as well as a couple of her previous titles, at the blog today.

Blood Eternal is the third installment in the Awakened by Blood series, a passionate and intense vampire romance thrill. Originally, I had planned on reviewing this one for today's post, but because of a little mix-up, I don't have my review copy yet! Yikesies. So I promise I'll have the review as soon as I read the book. But for now, enjoy Marie's gorgeous book covers :)

Blood on Silk, the first book in the series. This cover is HOT -- my favorite out of all her covers, to be honest. The dress is sinfully red and totally provocative, and the background and font are just spooky enough to be thrillingly... paranormal.

Blood Sin, book numero dos. While the dresses are pretty much the same in the above two covers, I don't like this one as much. I just think the girl's position is awkward, and looking at the cover doesn't really give me the chills the first one does.

Last but not least, today's main course!!! I present you the cover of Blood Eternal, which came out just yesterday (hot off the press!). I love it. The two cover models have this perfect, almost taboo, chemistry that steams up the pages.

A bit about the author: Marie Treanor lives in Scotland with her eccentric husband and three much-too-smart children. Having grown bored with city life, she resides these days in a picturesque village by the sea where she is lucky enough to enjoy herself avoiding housework and writing sensual stories of paranormal romance and fantasy.

You can find out more about Marie and her books at her website or on Facebook.