Saturday, April 27, 2013

6 Heart Review: Fifty Shades Freed by EL James

Fifty Shades Freed
EL James

Page Count: 532

Release Date: 17 April 2012 (new edition)
Publisher: Vintage Books (Random House)
Source: Complimentary copy provided by Edenfantasys in exchange for an honest and unbiased review (thank you!)
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Rating: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

When unworldly student Anastasia Steele first encountered the driven and dazzling young entrepreneur Christian Grey it sparked a sensual affair that changed both of their lives irrevocably. Shocked, intrigued, and, ultimately, repelled by Christian’s singular erotic tastes, Ana demands a deeper commitment. Determined to keep her, Christian agrees.

Now, Ana and Christian have it all—love, passion, intimacy, wealth, and a world of possibilities for their future. But Ana knows that loving her Fifty Shades will not be easy, and that being together will pose challenges that neither of them would anticipate. Ana must somehow learn to share Christian’s opulent lifestyle without sacrificing her own identity. And Christian must overcome his compulsion to control as he wrestles with the demons of a tormented past.

Just when it seems that their strength together will eclipse any obstacle, misfortune, malice, and fate conspire to make Ana’s deepest fears turn to reality.

Review


[NOTE #1]: Read my review of Fifty Shades of Grey, the book that started it all, by clicking here!

[NOTE #2]: Read my review of the second book in the series, Fifty Shades Darker (which, in my opinion, was much MUCH better), by clicking here.

Mr. Grey has finally settled. He's still possessive—still a control freak—but his coming-to-terms with Anastasia—to take care of each other, to love each other, for better or worse—inspires a different sort of dynamic between the two returning characters. Their relationship isn't intense, it's just bipolar; this is best displayed in this last installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey series.

I was highly annoyed by Anastasia's weird internal conflict; she wants her kinky ways with Christian, trying to adjust to his lifestyle, but breaks down every time he obliges—crying it's too much and it's too painful. Make up your mind, woman! Everything is repetitive as always. It's like EL James copy-and-pasted her sex scenes into each other because most of them have the exact same wording and structure, but different venues, e.g. bed, table, aircraft, toilet (yes, she went there... kinky!).

Ana and Christian's roller-coaster ride of a relationship isn't even dramatic or heartfelt anymore; it's just exasperating. I'm also not sure how the fuck they are so deeply committed and in lurve after having known each other for only two months. Two. Months. Anastasia doesn't even know what Christian does for a living, for crying out loud! All she knows is that he's some hoity-toity entrepreneur. I have suspicions he's an underground slave auctioneer but sadly, this tidbit isn't actually revealed in the book.

SPOILER START [[drag your mouse across the blackened text to read]] And they don't get a prenup??/ He's a BILLIONAIRE and they don't get a prenup because he trusts her so much. Just let that sink in for about fifteen seconds. This series should be relabeled as fantasy, not romance. SPOILER END

The ending... ugh. Grossly idealized, but I one thing I liked is how the book concludes exposing Christian's full story. Getting to know him so deeply was probably the best part of the novel. His love for Ana is clouded with overprotectiveness and insecurity, but it's still deep nonetheless. The heart of the dilemma is his need for control and his need for Anastasia. She believes the two aren't mutually exclusive, but even so, they just might be his ruin. These emotions are brutal, and they're actually sweet—knowing where they come from, but really: that's the only thing that kept me reading.

Stylistically, you guessed it! Pretentious big words thrown around carelessly, but otherwise very basic, very weak. It's a shame to erotica writers that James identifies herself as one of them.

Pros


Great character-building // Christian's past

Cons


Let's put it like this: Book 1 should never have happened, Book 2 is dumb, and Book 3 is dumber. That's all you have to know.

Love


Real quotes from the book that I needed to share with you: 
He looks so sexy and genial.
What?
He's so adroit.
What?
I'm so aroused.
I would be, too, if I orgasmed at the slightest breeze.

Two reasons to shoot me now:
Mr. Orgasmic was using his fine-motor sexing skills on me.
Why are his feet so hot? 
Accurately displaying the length of Anastasia's attention span (or lack thereof):
I will never understand this man. Hmm—this crème brulée is delicious.
I glance at my watch: 2:15 p.m. He should be here soon. My tea is cold... Ugh!
Neanderthalic urges:
"I want in your mouth now." 

Verdict


Don't bother reading the actual book, because I can summarize the entire thing up for you here: sex; fight; makeup sex; fight; makeup sex; fight; fight fight; flight; yell; pregnancy scare; panic; OMG; major fight; weep; "hi," I breathed, "hi," he whispered back; makeup sex; happily every after. I really had high hopes for Fifty Shades Freed after liking the second book in the series so much, but alas, EL James disappoints Americanflag

6 hearts: Satisfying for a first read, but I'm not going back (x)