Melodie Campbell
Page Count: 144
Release Date: 1 September, 2012
Publisher: Orca Book Publishing
Stolen jewels, a cross-country chase, and a reluctant mob goddaughter make for a whole lot of laughs!
Despite her best efforts to lead a law-abiding life, Gina Gallo cannot quite escape her mob family. Since she’s a certified gemologist, Gina has become a key player in the family’s gem-smuggling operations. Now she has met a great guy, a reporter named Pete, and she’ll do almost anything to keep him from discovering her shady side. But when a gem delivery goes awry, Gina has to take Pete along for the ride.
I should have just stayed in the bar. It was leaving the bar that became expensive.
Nice night. We decided to go for a walk. It was dark, but I had on my brand new expensive progressive eye-glasses, so not a problem, right?
One second I was walking and talking. The next, I was flying through the air.
Someone screamed.
WHOMP. (That was me, doing a face plant.)
“OHMYGOD! Are you okay?” said my colleague.
I was clearly not okay. In fact, I was splat on the sidewalk and could not move.
“Fine!” I yelled into the flagstone. “I’m fine!”
I tried to lift my head. Ouch.
“That must have hurt,” said someone helpfully.
I write mob comedies. So I know a bit about the mob. It may come in handy.
A crowd had gathered. Not the sort of crowd that gently lifts you off the ground. More the sort of crowd that gawks.
“Couldn’t figure out why you were running ahead of us.” My colleague shook his head.
I wasn’t running. I was tripping and falling.
“That sidewalk is uneven. Your foot must have caught on it.”
No shit, Sherlock.
By now I had tested various body parts. Knees were numb. Hands, scraped. Chin, a little sore.
But here’s the thing. I hit in this order: knees, tummy, boobs, palms. My tummy and boobs cushioned the fall and saved my face.
Yes, this was going through my mind as I pushed back with my tender palms to balance on my bloody knees.
“Ouch!” I said. No, that’s a lie. I said something else.
I stood up. Surveyed the damage. My knees were a bloody mess, but the dress survived without a scratch. It was made in China, of course. Of plastic.
The crowd was dispersing. But the pain wasn’t over.
Next day, I hobbled to the clinic. The doctor, who probably isn’t old enough to drive a car yet, shook his head. “Progressive glasses are the number one reason seniors fall. They are looking through the reading part of their glasses when they walk, and can’t see the ground properly.”
Seniors? I’ve still got my baby fat.
“Get some distance-only glasses,” he advised.
So I did. Another 350 bucks later, I have a third pair of glasses to carry around in my purse.
Which means my purse isn’t big enough.
So I need to buy a new purse.
And that’s why book tours are so expensive.
About the Author
Melodie Campbell has been a bank manager, marketing director, college instructor, comedy writer, and possibly the worst runway model ever.Melodie got her start writing comedy (stand-up and columns). In 1999, she opened the Canadian Humour Conference in Hamilton. She has over 200 publications, including 40 short stories, and has won 6 awards for short fiction. Her third novel, The Goddaughter, is a comic mob caper. Melodie was a finalist for the 2012 Derringer Award (US) and Arthur Ellis Award (Canada), and is the Executive Director of Crime Writers of Canada.
Melodie was invited into the Toronto Press Club in 1994. There is no truth to the rumor that she once did a somersault off the Press Club billiard table.
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OMG, this is just too funny. I think you should have stayed in the bar. And when did it become politically correct to call anyone a senior? Maybe the patient is just young with bad eyesight. Lol
ReplyDeleteLOL I agree with you all the way, Shannon! I love how it makes for a hilarious story though!
DeleteWell I certainly hope the new purse was worth it. Next time just explain to the budget gods that it is so much less expensive just to give you a new purse to begin with LOL I am certainly not laughing at your injuries, although your writing and sharing of the occurrence made me giggle and for a moment there I was so struck with Deja Vu, which unfortunately left me with a screw in my foot, I thought we might be related - I certainly feel ya :) The Goddaughter looks like a hoot and I am looking forward to the read. Thank you for taking the time and effort to share with us today.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the purse better have been cute, at least! Thanks so much for reading, Denise, and I hope you get the chance to read The Goddaughter. It sounds like a delight!
DeleteThanks so much for your comments, Shannon and Denise! Yes, that is an absolutely true story, and I swear that dress is plastic (aren't book tours glamorous...)
ReplyDeleteAnd many thanks to my gracious host for this wonderful opportunity to appear on Books a la mode! Merci from the true north :)
The indestructible plastic dress, eh? It was a pleasure having you over, Melodie! I can't wait to try the book :)
DeleteSounds like a great book. Adding to my TBR. Thanks!
ReplyDelete